I wanna passion pit in your ass
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I am available for nakedness
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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