Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
