He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
