The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
