If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
