It's like God shit irony all over that family
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
When did angry sex become our thing?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
