i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
false alarm. still invincible.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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