I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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