I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My cat gives me a boner
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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