When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
