This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
