I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
