1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
