You just made me feel so damn special
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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