I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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