im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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