when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
