So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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