You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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