the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
How external is "for external use only"?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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