at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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