i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
