bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So much Jack, so little girl.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
