every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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