So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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