Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
