I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
