I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
