At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Let's get the cat blown out
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
