Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
