After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
