This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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