I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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