Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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