it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
two words...techno handjob
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
