True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
