i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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