We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
