I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
