from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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