My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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