Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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