That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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