Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
