maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
