in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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