So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
