did you get engaged???
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
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I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
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The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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