There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
