I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
