i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
