i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
