I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
