two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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