I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
