You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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