is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
