I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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