I cockslap morals
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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