I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Shame - the story of my life.
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