have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
