We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
