My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
