he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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