Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
