i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
