I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
