Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
