It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
