Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
