we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
