Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
