I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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