Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
