I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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